We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
