Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
