I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
