Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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