And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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