I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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