Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
