Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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