guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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