when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
