I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
