What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
