new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
