her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
