We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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