pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Couch. On fire.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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