the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
