he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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