how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
