his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
