he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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