The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
