Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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