I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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