my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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