HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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