I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
