walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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