Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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