tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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