All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
