are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
