Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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