They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I deserve this hangover.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize