I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
