my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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