In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
