hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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