Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
