well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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