I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
