Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
