Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
