): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
