guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
