My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
