I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
