So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
