I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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