Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
someone get that fucking seahorse.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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