Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
