why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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