Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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