Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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