I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
