i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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