What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
