the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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