when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
