the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
