sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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