apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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