one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
