Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
