Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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