just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
