I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
