to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
