So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
