just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so let's talk penis.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize