All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
