The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
