Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize