I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
