I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
