yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
