what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
