I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
