someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
