Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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