Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
