I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
