cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
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