I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Randomize
