She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's never too late to be topless.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
