well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You ate ashes out of my bong
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
