We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize