just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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