john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm always down for nudity.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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