I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
