so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You were trust falling into bushes
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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