as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
