If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
