Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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