I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I believe in your delicious
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
