Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
